That Feeling of being OLD!

SO!

Today is yet another day in the life of ME! 

I had some help getting started on a project in my backyard that I have been putting off and putting off! It took an old friend of mine from High School to come for a visit and get me off my duff so that we could have a place to sit and chat while she was here… (for the 2 days she was here). 

We had no where on our back deck to retreat to and nothing means that there ends up being NO ACTIVITY whatsoever in the back of the house. We have over 5 acres of land with our tiny abode and it's just a shame when you have all that beauty not to be able to sit and enjoy it!

So, yes, High School! As fond as memories can be, I don't tend to remember high school fondly! It was 25 years ago that I graduated so that tells you about how OLD I am. 43, I don't care if you know it's just a number! I was born in `73 and graduated High School in June of 1991. Remember, I was a child of a Navy man, so we travelled much and settled no where. I don't rememeber school fondly to being with! I had issues with reading, memorizing was a lack I NEVER acquired, and MATH… OH HELLS TO THE NO! I don't like math! It's not simple adding and subtracting or division or multiplication either. It's fractions and angles and the hypothesis of what relationship of the shape or color or WHATEVER! I am a REALTOR, I don't do hypothesis of NOTHING! I never made it past Algebra and didn't care if I did or didn't. MATH - BLAHHHHCK!

My friend, she's just such an interesting human being. Such a free spirited person and carefree personality! I have wished on many occasions to be able to live like her. Then I drop back into reality and I know that her lifestyle would never suit me. I would love to relax and chill and have a glass of wine…(who am I kidding it would be more like Kool-Aide, I don't drink much and if I do have a glass of wine it's generally the cheap stuff "Cupcake - Moscato Di Asti". Yes, it's a fruity wine. Don't say nuttin… So is Kool-Aide! 

Anyway, when you have an old friend visit you sit and talk about the old days, the things you had in common way back when, then you start thinking about where you've been and where your life has taken you. The road less travelled or the road most commonly travelled? Well, for me it has been several roads, weathered and beaten, rough and rugged and none really ever that smooth and straight, always more curvy and winding than I cared for. So, all that reminiscing and all that laughing kinda made me start thinking about how OLD I really am. My daughters, my first borns, would be 21 and 19 this year 2016. Sariena would be talking about getting married and I would be talking her out of it. Telling her that there's just so much more to life than settling down with someone she really barely knows and how she should travel and see the world and meet a Doctor or Lawyer or a Corporate CEO of a Fortune 500 company! Hell yes I would tell her that! Then she'd probably retort back at me how I married when I was 19 and her at the age of 22. Then I would get mad and tell her to look at my life and tell me what part of my life would she actually want to relive as me? I would feel heartbroken then and remember that if it weren't for the paths in my life that I had taken I wouldn't have her or her sister! My little girls… oh how I have missed out on so much of the lives you should have had but never did or never will! Again… OLD… I have been through so much in my life that has made me who I am today, but the hard work, the struggles, the depression and the pain, have all made me OLDER than I am. That number "43" as I said is just a number when you feel like you've lived a life an 83 year old might have lived. OLD!

So, now that I am working on my backyard retreat, I have a place I can sit and relax and remember and drink and just absorb… my life… and then agree with myself that I am who I am and I have lived a VERY full life!!

Now, to finish my work in progress on that back deck… next purchase… accessories!

May 19, 2016

You know… Today is a NEW day! Had my Coffee, now it's time to get up and go!!!! But first I think I'll watch a movie with my hubby and have a little down time before I get started on my very BUSY day!  Enjoy the little moments you have and take FULL advantage of LIFE!

Love.
ME

WOW! 2016 already?

Ok, So I just want to apologize to myself because I have not done so well on something I said I wanted to be more active with… yes, same ole same ole! If anyone does read this, then I apologize to you too!

Today was a most unsuccessful use of my time! I watched a movie, something about Moby Dick, but I just can't remember the title, but I can tell you that Mr. Hemsworth is the main EYE CANDY… no I didn't say that… OH YES I DID! Chris Hemsworth is an image of a GOD… oh wait didn't he play one? Thor… I really like to dream of… shhhh, don't tell my husband! NEway… So I watched the movie, then I got the nerve to go ahead and take my Ethics Course online and then after that I did a little bit of phone calling with Clients and negotiating a deal… if I can just sell my listing! After that went and picked up the boys and came home to try and find my License! I have it in a frame, a Black Certificate Frame that's about 11x14 so you would think it wouldn't be that hard to find!!! Oh but you just don't know my home, as small as it is it has many hiding places! I have checked EVERY ONE! I am furious by now and itching like crazy from all of the dust and dirt and probably a good spider bite or two from rummaging around in boxes that they have made their homes! So, I hit the shower.

I don't know what it is that sparked the desire to write, it might be something a friend said to me a week ago. Yes, I think of you as a friend, even though we haven't known each other long, just long enough for me to get to know your children and say Hi in passing. I remember the very first day we met, we had gotten an invite to your son's birthday. Oh that Boy… he's a match for mine! They can't sit a minute without the TV or Video Games! Then they are in their own world and they are comfortable right there, and heaven forbid that we say anything to them, or drag them away! I hope you know I love having your son over to the house, it's full of energy and they all go outside, even if it's just a few minutes! He's a hoot too and I know you know this! Just a funny, energetic, huggable teddy bear! Yes, the birthday party. I dropped off my oldest boy and left him at your house, then I came to pick him up and slowly we started getting to know each other as neighbors. I live right next door to your friends and you drive by my house all the time. Soon it was having a sleepover for the boys, then it was talk a little more. Then the worst thing that I could ever believe happened to your family and I had flashbacks of my own. I cried when your friend called me to tell me about your oldest child. It was a dreary, and unimaginable couple of weeks. The first couple of days were hard to get through and I  knew I had to be at the hospital for you. You had so many people there for support, you had your family, all of your friends, your husband's coworkers were there too…what good could come of me being there? I took your friends kids to the hospital cafeteria and talked with them about how they were doing, we ate pizza and talked. It was not a heavy conversation, light but helpful to just get out of the lobby of ICU. We came back and sat down and waited with everyone. You came out, tired and tearstained. You apologized to everyone and talked a hugged a few others. You don't know how strong you are, but you really are. You held it together until you could be alone again. I came up and hugged you, told you not to let others words settle in your mind. They would say things that they truly didn't know what they were saying and just trying to fill in the blank voice that many have after a friend loses a child. Some would tell you that "GOD wouldn't give us anything we couldn't handle" and others would say "Everything will be okay and with time things will get better" and yet more would say "He's with GOD in a better place"… as if with GOD would be better than with you? I told you to just see yourself punching them in the mouth… and I for a moment saw a smile, not a big one, but just enough of one that I knew you were with me. It's a strange bond we have, you and me! Our paths may have crossed for a real good reason, but in any matter…I hope you know that I am here for you FRIEND! Whatever it is you may need, a friend, a neighbor, a set of ears, or a shoulder to cry on… just call me and no matter where I am or what I am doing, I will stop a while and listen, or I will race my way back and sit on your porch with you. As I said, it's a strange bond we have and many others share our experience and eventually you will be able to find a little bit of peace in your mind and your heart will begin to strengthen. You won't heal from the pain and it will always be there, when you hear C's name or hear a song he liked to play, when you look at  his picture or when you look at your husband and you see him smiling back at you or when you stand in the kitchen and you hear the other little C laugh or run behind you and you just catch a glance. The tears may burn your eyes but one day you'll find you can smile at those memories, and you know that he's still with you, watching you and kidding you, but you'll be able to smile again.  This is not a club you want to join, but for some unknown reason you become a member, you've paid your dues with the loss of your child. Loss… this reminds me of something I heard on the "Angel" channel on dish the day my children were gone from me, my girls, my Sariena and my Annie… the evangelist said…"Our children are on loan to us, we've been chosen as their caretakers, they are not a belonging or a possession and in time we will have to give them back"… In time… but our time just wasn't long enough!  Hang in there with me my Friend, hang in there and we'll hold each other up on the days that we are our weakest. We'll teach each other to be stronger in our will to survive the time we have left. We'll keep each other remembering our other children who need us, and love us, and we'll remind each other of our special halves… they too feel the pain we do, but they don't share it well and they don't go through the same feelings we do… they are men and men just don't act weak, they have responsibilities and they have to keep the family going. Yours does so much better than mine when it comes to sharing! I think we hit it right when we realized that you are like my husband and I am like your husband. I am a Social Butterfly and I can talk to anyone and everyone and I express myself without fear of who is listening or what they think or might say. My Special half, well he's a bit of a hard shell. He has few friends and when he does have a friend he makes them for life! He doesn't show his feelings and does better hiding what might be bothering him. He might miss a few "signs" and the "hints" might go over his head, but he is grounded and he's trying to be supportive. A reclusive person and not very social. That's not you, NO WAY! You may like to stay at home, but do you have much in common with a lot of other folk? You have something in common with me… and it's not the loss of our kids… we both like crafts and have creative imaginations… maybe we should have a scrapping party sometime…what do they call those? Anyway… not important, we have fourth graders who are wild child boys! Now we have Scouts, and we live in a small town with not much else to do! HAHA.

Well, my hubs just came home and told me that you told him to tell me that he likes my hair, and then he tells me that he told you about me trying to find my license and saying something about his comments about my hair, and that you told him he better be nice and tell me that he does like my hair, but then he added, "but I really don't." I laughed and said I believe you said that to him, but I would never believe he that he did even if he said it without telling me you told him to say it! LOL! He knows nothing of "style"! Thank you for trying! Sounds like you had a good night tonight! I am glad! We really do need to get together and do something fun, just our families and my neighbors - your friends and ours! I think we would have soo much fun together all of us! BONFIRE at my house… shoot with 2 Firefighters you think we'll be okay? We have so much crap to burn it's pathetic! So, we have to save a date… Grill out, beverages and some good ole friendship and conversation! I told our friend next door to  me that maybe during the summer we take off on a vacation to a Jellystone Campgrounds… rent a couple of cabins, go tubing down the river, do some whitewater rafting??? You down? No tent's for that vacation… let's have a bed to sleep in please? Or maybe we go to OBX and rent a house on the beach?? OOH that sounds like fun! I don't care what it is, I just want to get out of our little town and still have you all there to "hang" with! Good Friends and Good Company!

Okay… it's time for me to sign off, someone's wondering why I am not paying more attention to him since he just got home. Thank you for being so sweet and telling me you actually read these… the next one won't put you on the spot I promise! Have a good night, hug little C and say hello to your hubs for me. Remember…just call or text and I am there!

till next time
me

Me

I guess I am all over the place with this blog and maybe I should just narrow it down to one thing, something popular to read? I don't know. I really only started this to capture my thoughts and write.

I was taking a look at my facebook wall and saw that James Patterson had posted a contest. A writing contest. I have put it off and thought how no one would read  a short story from me, or I am just not good enough, but I caught myself today and said... out loud too... no one will ever know if I am good enough, to include myself, if I never try. So, I am going to go over to the website and read over the terms and sit down for once and start using my imagination!

I don't know how many books I started to write and then gave up. I don't know how many times I picked up my camera and because it wasn't the camera I wanted or the camera that I believed would only increase my potential, I just gave up. It's not about the tools, it's not all about the belief, it's about the person. Do you just talk yourself out of things that you know you could do, but because you just don't have enough faith in yourself and your ability, you just give up?

I am making myself a promise today. I won't give up... I will give my life over to the All Mighty and I will follow his lead. Sometimes you just need to rest, you need to recuperate, you need to unplug from the world you're in and you just need him to carry you. That's what the old poem was about right... footprints... while you struggle and you stress and you just feel like you can't go on, then you see only one set of footprints, that's not you walking alone, but it is that he's carrying you over the sand and he holds you high so that you don't have to go at life alone or manage the stress alone. I am going to pray for my forks in the road. I am going to ask for his help and his guidance. I am going to ask for him to carry me for a while, because I have pushed him out thinking I could do it all by myself and I am seeing that I cannot.

Being young... being naive, not understanding why things happen, growing up.

Being the child of a military man wasn't easy for me. Moving all of the time making friends in new places, making more enemies than friends. Certain things in my life created me, the strong me, the scared me, the weak me. I keep my secrets bottled up, I don't talk about them and I keep them safely secured so that no one will ever know and then they can't judge me. Finding out that when you're only a child bad things happened, so bad that your parents don't want to tell you about it, so to this day you still don't know. Being a teenager and bad things follow you, but do they follow you because you asked for it, because you let them happen? Becoming an adult and you marry, and you feel safe, but then again bad things happen to you and now you don't know what SAFE really is? Divorced and with kids and you want to be young again and be free again, but you love your kids and you want to protect them, but you struggle between the free and the tied down and somewhere you do what you can to have both and to live both ways and you make mistakes and you pay the consequences for those mistakes. You struggle with money, but there's always a roof over your head and there's always food on the table and there's always a job and daycare is paid, but there's not always a phone and not always electricity, but there's always a way to pay for the babysitter so you can have a night out with friends. Then something happens and someone comes into your life and for some reason you GROW UP and you don't need to drink, you don't need to party and you don't need to WORRY any more. You marry again.

I was told by my ex mother in law that she wouldn't read my palm because she was afraid of what she saw. She shared her fear with my then sister in law, who then shared it with me. My ex mother in law was afraid because I had a spilt life line and that could only mean one thing. I would live two different lives. Who knew whether I would die and be reborn, which some believe can be true, I don't know what I believed back then. But after my divorce from her son, and my second marriage, I started to think this was what she meant. Then a little more than a year after marrying my second husband I found out the true meaning to her fears. My life took a whole new direction. I no longer had ties to her family. I no longer had a reason to call my ex husband every month or for him to send a check to me any time his new wife felt like it. My girls who were the reason for that old life, now created my new life, and they were gone. It took every inch of me, it took every ounce of me, and I gathered it all up and once again I tried to carry it all on my own. I feared him, I hated him and I loathed anyone who tried to tell me that he was my savior in a time that I truly needed him. He was GOD.

As any parent who has lost a child asks... how? why? why me? what did I do wrong? not how can I go on, but how can I NOT go on?

He wasn't an enemy of mine. He wasn't anything to me any more. But he never left my side. When I wanted to hear my girls voices he managed to send me a tape of them laughing. Just out of the blue I get a video tape from a young girl and her family who used to watch the girls for us. The video was of the girls laughing at their house, playing with their kids and the young girl who babysat for us was behind the camera catching it all. When I missed the girls and wanted to be with them, he brought me their scent. It wasn't the smell you would think of when you're holding your children or child. It wasn't the baby powder that you used on their skin or the lotion you smothered on them so they wouldn't be dry and scaly. It was the smoke I had last smelled on their bodies after the firemen laid them in the grass in the yard. It was the charred smell I had stuck in my nose for weeks after we had them cremated. It was the burning embers of the house while I was trying to get to my girls in the upstairs bedroom and the flames I inhaled while sitting in front of the school next door watching my life as I knew it end before my eyes. The first time he brought them to me I panicked and ran around my entire house trying to find the fire and extinguish it. I cried when the smell was gone and I had realized it wasn't real and it wasn't my mind playing tricks on me. My girls had been there and now they were gone and I spent all that time fearing the worst when I should have been cherishing every last minute they had to give.

I'm not angry any more, I have my faith and it is strong and I do pray and I do thank him every day for the gifts in my life and instead of praying to my girls asking them to give him a message, I now pray to him and ask that he give them a message from me. I lived, I continue to love, and I now have two new gifts that the girls played every part in making come true. I don't get my visits any more, but I look in my boys eyes and I can see their sisters hearts and I know that even with my new life they are still every part of me. My boys will never really know their sisters, but they know that they have them and that they are loved just like they are still around. The boys know their names and they've seen the pictures and they know my heart aches for them now and again. My boys are an addition to my life and make my new life worth living and they remind me that there is an "ever after" and it's only going to be as happy as I make it for everyone. I give my life to him as a dedication to my girls and the thought that I will one day see them again. They are waiting on the other side for me. For me and their brothers and their daddy Jason they make a place for us.

I give my life to GOD, direct me, shape me, and allow me to represent him. I am in service to him and he has my alliance with him. My every day is possible through him.

I will be what he needs me to be and I will go where he leads me and for now, he leads me to you. My friends who need him, my family who grieve and want to understand him, may you all find in him what I have found, my salvation is him.

For those of you who know not of the insanity of life, I pray that you never have to go through what I did to get here, but that you find the divinity of life by getting to know the power that holds you up when you just want to lie down. Don't give up, don't put it aside, take charge and hold on for the ride.

Much love and sacrifice.
Me

January 2013

We made it. It's now 2013 and the belief of the end of all time has passed. If you really understood the Mayans they were predicting the end of the world as we knew it and the beginning of a new one. I want to interpret that the way I see it...

May it be great, good or bad, we have to live in it. So, let's be positive and look for a great existence and do what we can as humans and strive for the best and teach each other to be our best.

A young woman told me the other day that I should really keep up with my blog, that I should share more about my experiences and let the world know how I heal and then maybe someone who needs the help can learn from me. So, here goes....

I met a young woman and she reminds me soo much of me. She has had a hard life and as hard as it is she's still trying to figure things out.  I didn't do drugs or have parents who didn't care where I was at all hours. If anything I felt my parents were too much into my business and that they were intrusive. I was always mad and trying to "get away". Looking for a way to piss them off any way I could. Rebellion... the word most youngsters should really understand. So this young woman, she fills my head with all her life stories and I think to myself, she has to  be joking. Because of her confidence in me I won't reveal her secrets. They are between us. Then I looked back on my life and I came to realize that I had someone in my life to help direct me. To give me advice about being a single mother. Someone who took  me under her wing and helped me to understand that I can be angry, and I can be tired and I can still be a mother to my girls. Then my girls died. I was alone again. Or so I thought. I had found a new friend. She helped me understand my pain. She walked with me when I needed someone to lean on. Someone to cry with and I needed her in my life. These two women, although older than I was, touched me and taught me. They gave me direction and gave me hope. We learned together our own little problems and shared in each other's pain.

My first friend in Colorado.. I was so young. I had two baby girls and I still wanted to party and be young and forget that I had responsibilities. I didn't want to forget my girls, I just didn't want to have to play mom 100 percent of the time. I wanted to have fun and I wanted to love and be loved. I wanted a mans touch. I found it. Everywhere other than where I needed to be. I learned from my friend that my life could be much different than it was. She taught me that the love I was looking for could only be found in my girls. She taught me that they should come first and that everything else would fall into place. She taught me that I could still have fun with out going out to party all night. When I did as she said I learned that I could still be an adult and still have fun and still have my girls and take care of them. She taught me to laugh at my problems and gain the strength I needed to battle my issues and win. She was my Terminator and I was her pupil. Then I remarried and he took me away from our little town and showed me more adventures that lie ahead. Little did I know that I would be leaving my life behind when I followed him.

A little more than a year went by and we had our struggles. My girls had a father who took care of them. They learned to trust him and he learned to understand them. Then one tragic night we lost them. My life turned upside down and inside out. I had convinced myself that I could not let my girls see me crawl in a hole and never come out. Although that is exactly how I felt. I didn't have friends. I had just moved to the last home my girls knew. We had just moved into our rental home not 1 month before and now they are gone. What had I done? Why was I being punished? What did I say that caused my baby girls to no longer be mine?

In comes my friend in Effingham, IL. I had just started back to work after losing my girls and everyone had come to their funeral. The chatting had died down and the whispers decreased. Then there was this woman, crying in the bathroom. I had hardly known who she was. She worked in a different department but sat right on the other side of my cubical. I knew her name. It was hard to forget. People would call me looking for her and vice versa. I knocked on that bathroom door and asked if there was anything I could do to help. Little did I know that she would be the next chapter in my life to teach me something new. I took from our friendship a new love. GOD. Where I was so ready to throw in the towel and hate him forever. Give up on my faith. She taught me to hold on, even tighter now, to my faith. She helped me to see him in a new light. She gave me a new shoulder to lean on. We sat in movies and I ended up in her lap more than I can count! Those scary movies she loved to see. Then again Jason had to go where the Army needed him. Actually, I made us move. I told Jason that either he asked for the Compassionate Reassignment to his home state of North Carolina so that his parents could help him, or we would be no more. So, we moved.

I have had many more friends in every state I have been in and in the many, many years that I have lived. Those friends have all taught me lessons and I have learned so much and they have carved a part of themselves into my life. I Thank GOD for all of them. For I have become the woman I am with their help and their love. So I tell you this story, because thinking back made me realize that I have come full circle. It is now my turn to help a young woman who  needs my life lessons to support her on her journey.

It's my turn to give the faith and the strength and the love that my friends have given me. I don't have to be a Godmother, I don't want to be a saint, I only want her to follow the life path that is set in front of her and to not have to relive tragedy but to understand faith and success. I want her to understand that we create our own destiny. We have to strive for the best in our lives. We surround ourselves with people we want in our future to shape our lives the way we envision it. This young woman needs the direction and the encouragement that my friends so lovingly gave me in my time of need. The right thing for me to do is pass on their generosity.

She fears I will leave again, and I will. But as I have done in my past I will continue to keep in touch and do my best to be her friend. She will see as I did that she won't need me as much as she thinks she does now, because she will take what she's learned from me and she will one day pass it on to someone who will need her too.

So now I take this opportunity to tell my two very best friends that I love them and I haven't said it, but THANK YOU. For everything you have done for me and continue to do for me. Blessed are they that love unconditionally.

Dear Mr. President... Army Recruiting Families need help.

Dear Mr. President.

I am an Army Spouse. I have given my life to our Country by supporting my Active Duty Army Soldier. I keep the home, I take care of the kids, I am the one who stabilizes our family when nothing else seems to be stable at all.  I am the one who knows the ins and outs at home, while my Soldier goes to work for you and our Country. Often times you may even see me in the work place, bringing a basket of smiles to my Soldier and other Soldiers. You may find me chatting with their Spouses and offering encouragement and support to them and their families. That’s what I do.

Now that I have explained my role I also have to explain to you that all too often we live paycheck to paycheck and need a little extra income so I may have to go to work myself.  There in lies the problem. Every time we move I have to pick up, leave and then start all over again. Many civilian employers frown at my resume. I may not have been able to hold a job more than one year, maybe it’s two or three years, but longevity is my downfall. When I interview and I am asked, how long will you be staying this time? I have to look them in the eye and tell them, “When Uncle Sam calls, we go” there’s no definite in that. Yes, there are programs now in the last 5 years or so that have given Spouses of the Military a little more hope, my problem is not that those programs exist, it’s that those programs aren’t working! If it’s broke fix it, however, if it’s truly not broke we fix it anyway and don’t worry about the ones that do need serious attention.

“Program S” which was put in place to help Military Spouses gain competitive appointments with government positions is vague to say the least.  Yes, there is a list of requirements for the spouse, however, does the spouse have to go somewhere online or on a facility to “register” for priority? Overseas Spouses have no issue of the program because it works overseas where the jobs are abundant and more often encourage spouse employment. How about those who are stationed remotely? What about those Spouses who are not near a Military Installation and cannot access Army Community Services? There are government positions available in Recruiting which are harder to gain for a spouse because of the educational requirements, or because Spouse Preference doesn’t pertain to them. How do you put a program together and not maintain it for the entire community and legitimize it only for a few?

I give my life every day for the Army, I may not go into battle, I may not stand at formation or wear rank on my chest, but I do Support the Army the best way I know how… to support, love and care for my Soldier so that he is effective when on the line or at his post. That’s my duty, that’s what I do, I am an Army Spouse.

My suggestion to you, take a look at the programs set in place or even being considered and then take a Military Spouse and appoint them as your Consultant. No one is better at the job than one who makes that sacrifice.  Allow them the freedom to tell you honestly what is working and what needs TLC, then allow them to assist in creating a more effective program, one that will work for all not some. The World’s greatest Military is falling apart because there are so many more Soldiers and Sailors who are divorcing, going bankrupt, and committing suicide than there should be. If we had stronger family support programs and not just recreational programs and call it family support, then maybe our Military could still be strong even with dwindled numbers. Maybe those who are entering into the Military now, would want to make the Military their career instead of just a service commitment.

I invite your wife and yourself to come visit any Army Recruiting Battalion and it’s families. I ask that you take a look at our systems and see they are far from successful and offer us resources to make family life in Recruiting better. Give us suggestions on how to strengthen our support channels.  Visualize an Army family in the middle of America with no Army Family living next door or two houses down, and find that our Commanders are focused on their obligations and their mission to ever worry about a failing Family Support program. Find a Soldier’s Spouse struggling to find a job or stick to a career because licensing in one state is different from another and education requirements are different just the same.  You’ll find women and men who have spent a fortune in job training or higher learning that they often are unemployed after a Permanent Change of Station because their license or certification in the last state doesn’t have the same klout in their new place of residence. You’ll also notice that “Joining Forces” doesn’t find it’s way to Recruiting Families as it does for those at Military Installations. We’re a support group torn apart and many of us Spouses are searching for friends who know what we’re going through, someone to share some time with, but instead we’re alone and more often so spread apart from one another that even if we met at our one time a year training and awards banquet, that acquaintance would fall apart because we would never be able to see each other for the distance between us would be too hard to overcome. See as I do a Soldier’s family wishing to go back to a line unit or whatever and wherever the Soldier’s MOS would take them, as long as it is far away from Recruiting.

Take a closer look at housing in Recruiting. Let’s not get me started with the lack of programs available for holding civilians accountable for leasing uninhabitable homes to our Soldiers and their families. NO protection for the Soldier who has to rent a home sight unseen because housing is limited in the rural areas we have to recruit in. NO home inspections available to Military Families who have to rent in a civilian community and now with Privatized Housing on military installations, we have to give our entire BAH to a company for substandard housing that should have been condemned but instead our government allows for repairs to keep them going.  Why is it that surveys are completed by those Soldiers and Sailors who have no need for civilian or privatized housing because they live in the barracks? Why is it our BAH often only allows for substandard housing in civilian areas? Why must it be that we have to incorporate utilities, phone, cable and oil or gas, with rent in order to survive on our base pay? Utilities, Phone, Cable and Oil or Gas… Are you aware that none of these have a Military Rate or Discount? Are you aware that the Military Housing Program or Government Leased Housing Program is suffering and far from successful? There are very few Landlords that will pay for extra utilities and combine them in the rent advertised. Especially in our current economy it’s hard enough to lease a home to someone who can pay for rent. Soldiers and Sailors fortunately enough have a housing allowance, but our basic housing allowance amounts need to be looked at all over the US and adjusted to fit civilian advertised lease amounts. These adjusted amounts can’t be regional or by state but yet more by county. We have Recruiting Soldiers living in remote areas that their housing allowance doesn’t cover the advertised lease amounts and so these Soldiers and their families have to spend more out of their base pay to afford a home that is not substandard. Are you aware that many Soldiers purchase a home, when loans can be obtained, because they have no other opportunity for leasing a home that is above substandard or they live in a community where leased homes are taken as soon as they are posted? When these Soldiers have to relocate, selling their home is more a hassle that many have to lease their homes and take less than their mortgage in order to get the home rented. Many who lease their homes find that it is more a hardship because of the maintenance costs and the cost of repairs after a tenant vacates. What programs are available that help our Military Men and Women lease their homes to competent tenants who will not take advantage of the fact that many of our Soldiers are several states away and there is often no one to take care of quarterly inspections of the home while the tenant is residing in the home? In my own case, our Family experienced a tragedy because there are no housing programs in place for those who have to rent in a rural community miles away from any Military Installation. Had there been a housing program in place that provided a home inspection prior to our acceptance of a lease, we probably wouldn’t have lost our two daughters to a house fire which was determined to have started because of faulty wiring in the home.  I now have a better knowledge of substandard living, and believe it or not, there are several Soldiers who just are not aware of what to look for when they rent a home. They are not aware of the local tenant laws that govern homeowners/landlords so they cannot hold them accountable for maintenance that the homeowner should be responsible for. There is no brief made available for the Soldier or their family on what to look for in a lease contract that a homeowner should be responsible for, however the homeowner or their Agent will write it into the lease agreement that the tenant is responsible and the tenant agrees not knowing that it shouldn’t be as written. We’re not lawyers, we’re not lawmakers, we only know what information is given to us and when we’re left to our own devices more often than not we make the wrong decision, not because we’re careless, but instead because we’re not informed.

So, Mr. President. 

I challenge you, not to make this an agenda for re-election, but instead to make this a priority for the Safety, Sanity and Security of our Military Men and Women and their Families. Concentrate not on programs that aren’t broke and don’t need repair, but instead on those programs that need immediate repair like the ones I’ve mentioned here.

Sincerely.

Julie D. Powers

Army Wife

Army Recruiting BN New England

Kittery, ME

NEW COUNTRY... MAINE

Ok. So maybe it's not really a new country... but sure does feel like it! WOW we're so far north!

We moved from Cali back in September and drove cross country with our 2 boys and 2 dogs and hauling my husband's car. We stopped in Texas to see my family. It was a wonderful visit and I just pray that my grandmother can hang on a bit longer so we can see her again. Then we continued our trek to the East Coast to stop in North Carolina to see Jason's family. Funny how we always stay a little longer to see his family than mine. OH WELL! After our 3 day visit with them we headed on up the east coast on I 95 and I don't remember much of it because I slept a long time so that I would be prepared to drive if I was needed. We eventually ended up in Maine! We actually stayed in Portsmouth , New Hampshire. just over the border from where Jason would be stationed. Once we had arrived it rained a ton! I thought to myself.. OH NO HERE WE GO AGAIN WITH THE RAIN! I hate rain! I guess if I took the opportunity to just dance in the rain I might enjoy it, but I don't so I never have liked the rain... one reason we left Kentucky in a hurry!

It took us almost an entire month to find a house to live in! Okay... 2 weeks, so I exaggerated a bit, but 2 weeks in a hotel room with 2 kids and 2 dogs and a BIG KID! I was really truly believing that it was more like 1 entire month! We even stayed in 2 different hotels and made friends at the second hotel! We did stay in nice hotels tho. The 1st was Residence Marriott and the second was Hilton's Homewood Suites.

The house... yes.. although nice in appearance... it's slowly falling apart. The landlords are over the heads in this house, have tried to sell it, but I believe they are deluded to think they could sell it at what they are asking for... and as a real estate professional I would have personally let them know they needed to lower their asking price or accept the best offer they could get!

When we moved in, the sink was literally falling, the person who installed the cabinets and the granite counter top forgot to anchor the sink into the cabinets before installing the countertop. The sink is an under-mount stainless steel sink... Stainless Steele doesn't mean with weight it can't bend! The sink had to be propped up with 2x4's before Thanksgiving! Then the installers decided to actually send someone out to take a look at it. The guy came in, he looked at it, and started getting some stuff out of his truck. I asked him when he came in if maybe his company forgot about something important like anchors and he said, "yeah. Looks like it." Then he commenced to telling me that they wedged it thinking that it would hold, something they do quiet a bit... I frowned at him and then told him that if they are doing that quiet a bit, they are going to go back and lose money repairing their errors. I worked with new construction and wedging ( or putting a small wood piece that wedges between the sink and the frame ) was only supposed to be a temporary fix or something in addition to the anchors for extra support not as a permanent stabilizer. OH WELL!

The sink... that wasn't just it! The water heater is leaking but the property manager says it's no emergency... but the water heater is fueled by the oil heat, and when you lose heat and there's no insulation around the tank, your heating bill goes sky high because you're having to use more oil to heat the water. I think we have to look into what we can do temporarily to keep the tank insulated. That's a conversation with an expert! I have no idea about oil heat! I only know about propane and I don't know much there either!

We also had a leak in the laundry room with the landlord's washer. That was fixed and the repair guy said the washer wasn't worth repairing so we put it in the basement. Then the property manager says that we're responsible for the washer if anything happens with it, and we said NO, if it's broke and the landlord doesn't want to pay to remove it, then we're not responsible for it because it's not being used by us! OH THAT IS STILL AN ONGOING BATTLE! Then there's another issue and it's not sooo small either!

THE BASEMENT... so we go to a holiday block party and we meet the neighbors and they tell us stories about the neighborhood and the previous tenants and the landlord and what great people have always lived in the house... and then they tell us about the basement. We already knew that there was some leaking into the basement through some cracks in the walls, but then the truth came out. The winters... when it snows and it snows alot... the basement can hold up to 3 or more inches of water! It's an entirely WET basement. The landlord paid a company to come out and dig a trench around the exterior of the house to help with the leaking, but when the owner came in and took a look at the basement, he said that the large crack on the floor of the basement will allow water and that with the water line along the base of the walls it looks to have had at least 6 inches in the basement but that could have easily been when they had flooding here since the house was built in a 100 yr flood zone and it's right next to a wet marsh. The house will continue to sink and the basement will continue to hold water... so tell me something... if the basement holds water and it's every year and it's not really useable because of that fact... how can anyone claim the basement as usable space? I don't know, but this is probably why no one wants to buy this house! I wouldn't, and especially after I know a home inspector would tear this place apart and I could back out of a offer contract with his report! Knowing this house is in a flood zone... that's a deterrent to begin with!

So... all in all, we're paying an extreme amount of money to heat this house because OIL is $3.95 a gallon and the tank is 300 gallons and we fill it at half full... so 150 gals at $3.95... you figure it out! My last bill was over $500. The very first bill was $600+. We decided to go with portable electric heaters... but guess what... when the power goes out we'll be SOL! I hear it get's below zero around here in normal winter weather, we've been lucky...we're in mid January and the only real snow we had was back during halloween. Then the Friday before Christmas we had a small snow that melted by midday and then today we're having a mild snow as well. Temperatures are expected to rise to 45* by this afternoon. So... winter... well it will either be a bad one in the next few months or it will snow in July!

Well, my 3 yr old is asking me to get off the computer now so that he can use it!

TATA FOR NOW!