Ok, So I just want to apologize to myself because I have not done so well on something I said I wanted to be more active with… yes, same ole same ole! If anyone does read this, then I apologize to you too!
Today was a most unsuccessful use of my time! I watched a movie, something about Moby Dick, but I just can't remember the title, but I can tell you that Mr. Hemsworth is the main EYE CANDY… no I didn't say that… OH YES I DID! Chris Hemsworth is an image of a GOD… oh wait didn't he play one? Thor… I really like to dream of… shhhh, don't tell my husband! NEway… So I watched the movie, then I got the nerve to go ahead and take my Ethics Course online and then after that I did a little bit of phone calling with Clients and negotiating a deal… if I can just sell my listing! After that went and picked up the boys and came home to try and find my License! I have it in a frame, a Black Certificate Frame that's about 11x14 so you would think it wouldn't be that hard to find!!! Oh but you just don't know my home, as small as it is it has many hiding places! I have checked EVERY ONE! I am furious by now and itching like crazy from all of the dust and dirt and probably a good spider bite or two from rummaging around in boxes that they have made their homes! So, I hit the shower.
I don't know what it is that sparked the desire to write, it might be something a friend said to me a week ago. Yes, I think of you as a friend, even though we haven't known each other long, just long enough for me to get to know your children and say Hi in passing. I remember the very first day we met, we had gotten an invite to your son's birthday. Oh that Boy… he's a match for mine! They can't sit a minute without the TV or Video Games! Then they are in their own world and they are comfortable right there, and heaven forbid that we say anything to them, or drag them away! I hope you know I love having your son over to the house, it's full of energy and they all go outside, even if it's just a few minutes! He's a hoot too and I know you know this! Just a funny, energetic, huggable teddy bear! Yes, the birthday party. I dropped off my oldest boy and left him at your house, then I came to pick him up and slowly we started getting to know each other as neighbors. I live right next door to your friends and you drive by my house all the time. Soon it was having a sleepover for the boys, then it was talk a little more. Then the worst thing that I could ever believe happened to your family and I had flashbacks of my own. I cried when your friend called me to tell me about your oldest child. It was a dreary, and unimaginable couple of weeks. The first couple of days were hard to get through and I knew I had to be at the hospital for you. You had so many people there for support, you had your family, all of your friends, your husband's coworkers were there too…what good could come of me being there? I took your friends kids to the hospital cafeteria and talked with them about how they were doing, we ate pizza and talked. It was not a heavy conversation, light but helpful to just get out of the lobby of ICU. We came back and sat down and waited with everyone. You came out, tired and tearstained. You apologized to everyone and talked a hugged a few others. You don't know how strong you are, but you really are. You held it together until you could be alone again. I came up and hugged you, told you not to let others words settle in your mind. They would say things that they truly didn't know what they were saying and just trying to fill in the blank voice that many have after a friend loses a child. Some would tell you that "GOD wouldn't give us anything we couldn't handle" and others would say "Everything will be okay and with time things will get better" and yet more would say "He's with GOD in a better place"… as if with GOD would be better than with you? I told you to just see yourself punching them in the mouth… and I for a moment saw a smile, not a big one, but just enough of one that I knew you were with me. It's a strange bond we have, you and me! Our paths may have crossed for a real good reason, but in any matter…I hope you know that I am here for you FRIEND! Whatever it is you may need, a friend, a neighbor, a set of ears, or a shoulder to cry on… just call me and no matter where I am or what I am doing, I will stop a while and listen, or I will race my way back and sit on your porch with you. As I said, it's a strange bond we have and many others share our experience and eventually you will be able to find a little bit of peace in your mind and your heart will begin to strengthen. You won't heal from the pain and it will always be there, when you hear C's name or hear a song he liked to play, when you look at his picture or when you look at your husband and you see him smiling back at you or when you stand in the kitchen and you hear the other little C laugh or run behind you and you just catch a glance. The tears may burn your eyes but one day you'll find you can smile at those memories, and you know that he's still with you, watching you and kidding you, but you'll be able to smile again. This is not a club you want to join, but for some unknown reason you become a member, you've paid your dues with the loss of your child. Loss… this reminds me of something I heard on the "Angel" channel on dish the day my children were gone from me, my girls, my Sariena and my Annie… the evangelist said…"Our children are on loan to us, we've been chosen as their caretakers, they are not a belonging or a possession and in time we will have to give them back"… In time… but our time just wasn't long enough! Hang in there with me my Friend, hang in there and we'll hold each other up on the days that we are our weakest. We'll teach each other to be stronger in our will to survive the time we have left. We'll keep each other remembering our other children who need us, and love us, and we'll remind each other of our special halves… they too feel the pain we do, but they don't share it well and they don't go through the same feelings we do… they are men and men just don't act weak, they have responsibilities and they have to keep the family going. Yours does so much better than mine when it comes to sharing! I think we hit it right when we realized that you are like my husband and I am like your husband. I am a Social Butterfly and I can talk to anyone and everyone and I express myself without fear of who is listening or what they think or might say. My Special half, well he's a bit of a hard shell. He has few friends and when he does have a friend he makes them for life! He doesn't show his feelings and does better hiding what might be bothering him. He might miss a few "signs" and the "hints" might go over his head, but he is grounded and he's trying to be supportive. A reclusive person and not very social. That's not you, NO WAY! You may like to stay at home, but do you have much in common with a lot of other folk? You have something in common with me… and it's not the loss of our kids… we both like crafts and have creative imaginations… maybe we should have a scrapping party sometime…what do they call those? Anyway… not important, we have fourth graders who are wild child boys! Now we have Scouts, and we live in a small town with not much else to do! HAHA.
Well, my hubs just came home and told me that you told him to tell me that he likes my hair, and then he tells me that he told you about me trying to find my license and saying something about his comments about my hair, and that you told him he better be nice and tell me that he does like my hair, but then he added, "but I really don't." I laughed and said I believe you said that to him, but I would never believe he that he did even if he said it without telling me you told him to say it! LOL! He knows nothing of "style"! Thank you for trying! Sounds like you had a good night tonight! I am glad! We really do need to get together and do something fun, just our families and my neighbors - your friends and ours! I think we would have soo much fun together all of us! BONFIRE at my house… shoot with 2 Firefighters you think we'll be okay? We have so much crap to burn it's pathetic! So, we have to save a date… Grill out, beverages and some good ole friendship and conversation! I told our friend next door to me that maybe during the summer we take off on a vacation to a Jellystone Campgrounds… rent a couple of cabins, go tubing down the river, do some whitewater rafting??? You down? No tent's for that vacation… let's have a bed to sleep in please? Or maybe we go to OBX and rent a house on the beach?? OOH that sounds like fun! I don't care what it is, I just want to get out of our little town and still have you all there to "hang" with! Good Friends and Good Company!
Okay… it's time for me to sign off, someone's wondering why I am not paying more attention to him since he just got home. Thank you for being so sweet and telling me you actually read these… the next one won't put you on the spot I promise! Have a good night, hug little C and say hello to your hubs for me. Remember…just call or text and I am there!
till next time
me
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