Day 1

I remember day 1 like it was yesterday.

It was a Saturday in Illinois, rainy, thundering, lightening, you name it, the girls were playing inside and my husband was watching TV. I was in the kitchen, trying to wash dishes, my most dreaded chore. I don't know what exactly drew my attention to the window in front of me, but I looked up. The elementary school was just outside our door and as I looked straight at it, the electrical housing on the pole outside the school blew. It was like watching fireworks on the 4th of July. Sparks flew everywhere, not for very long, but it was quiet scary. I called my husband into the kitchen and he called the Utilities Company and reported it. They told them those units were being hit all over town and someone would be by to fix it when they could. The unit I am talking about, I don't necessarily know the name, but it looks like a canister on the top of an electrical pole and has wires coming from it. Anyway. That was just the beginning to my nightmare.

It was getting late and the power was out, the girls wanted to be sure to get in plenty of rest so that they could go to church in the morning. We had just started going to church as a family. We were a new family. Jason and I had just married in December of 1999 and he was in the Army. We had met in Colorado Springs, CO. The girls were born at Ft. Carson, where their father had been stationed and left us for his new life and family. Once Jason and I had married we picked up and moved to Illinois. He was a recruiter now, and being back in the military I knew we would be picking up and moving alot. Nothing I wasn't already used to, subjecting my children to it wouldn't be any different than what I grew up with as a military child. I have many friends from all over the world, different races, religions, interesting and successful people in their own lives. Maybe my children will grow up to be well rounded and learn about the different cultures like I have. Getting off track here, back to day 1. The girls were getting ready for bed and I went upstairs to help them and tuck them in. I had to apologize to Sariena, I had yelled at her earlier because we were trying to prepare her for 1st grade on Monday. Her 1st day of 1st grade was on Monday and it was such a big deal. She was going to the school across the street and she needed to know how to read, and she needed to be better at writing her ABC's. She needed to be better at her addition and I was being extremely hard on her. We had bought her some books to read over the summer, she was reading Green Eggs and Ham and she wasn't trying, she just wanted us to read and then she could memorize what we were saying and she would recite it back to us. I got angry and yelled at her. I didn't want her to go to bed thinking I was mad at her, so I made it a point to go upstairs to tell her I loved her and to let her know that I only wanted her to do better than I did in school and to work hard and get better grades than I did. She wanted to be a Pediatrician and help sick kids when she was a grown up. She would say it all the time. From the time she met her doc that put her cast on her arm that summer. I explained to her that she had to make good grades and go to college if she wanted to be a Kid Doctor. She understood and told me she would work harder. I kissed her good night and tucked her into bed. Sariena slept in the top bunk and Annie slept in the bottom bunk. As I bent down to kiss Annie she told me that she was scared. She didn't want to sleep in her room. She wanted to sleep with Jason and I in our bed. I don't know why I didn't let them. I don't know why I didn't automatically suggest it since it was such a storm and the power was out. Sariena piped up before I could answer Annie. She told her sister that they were big girls and they could sleep in their own beds and that it would be okay because they were together. What could I say after that. I looked at Annie and said "is that okay?" She said okay. I kissed her and tucked her in and went back downstairs.

Jason and I fell asleep on the couch waiting for the power to come back on. When we woke up the lights were on and so we got up, it was still storming outside, whatever was on we unplugged and turned off just in case the power went off again. The only thing I couldn't get to was the wall a/c in the girls room. It was so hot up there I really didn't want to leave them without air if the unit was running. The unit was not in great working condition, but it worked, and this wasn't our house, we were renting it. Another recruiter and his family had just moved out to St. Louis and we moved in. We helped them move to their new home too. It's not like they were bad landlords or didn't care for their home. They were awesome people. We got along so well. We discussed painting the inside of the house, because she had started and I told her I would finish for her. Anything that would improve the house they were good with and we could help them out with was great. I won't name their names because at this point now, we haven't spoken since the death of the girls. I've tried to contact them through "Facebook", but no response, so they just aren't ready. Funny, I'm the one who lost 2 children and they are the ones who aren't ready.

Back to day 1 again. I always had a habit of checking in on the girls. We had only been in the house a little over 1 month. We moved in on 1 July 2001 and it was 18 August 2001. So, I was still a little cautious about the girls as any mother would just get up and check in on their babies. At some point the power went out again and I couldn't see, so I lit a candle and walked upstairs. I placed the candle on a candle plate, anyone who sells partylite candles knows that you place candles on heat resistant plates for safety, so the heat doesn't burn whatever you put your candle on top of. I placed the candle on top of the dresser and walked over the girls bunk and saw that Annie had crawled up into her sisters bunk. The light had woken them up and I told them everything was okay and to go back to sleep. Annie tried to tell me she was scared so she came to sleep with Sariena and I told her it was okay. She would be okay. That was at 4 am 19 August 2001. That was also the last time I checked on my girls and kissed them good night.

Not too long after that I was awoken by banging on my door and windows and a man screaming. I thought someone was trying to break in. I jumped up trying to put on my clothes and heard "get out, fire" and when I stood up I was knocked right back down because of the smoke. It was so dense that I couldn't stand in it. I had to crawl trying to hold my shorts up around my waist, screaming for my girls to wake up and come to my voice. I made it to the stairs and I yelled at the top of my lungs when I wasn't choking on the smoke, the heat was already burning my face. I inched up the stairs crying for my girls to answer me when nothing was coming back to me, silence fell over me. I knew that there was no one in that black room, there weren't any children that would be walking out of that room to me. I slid down the stairs, looked my husband in the eyes and didn't say a word. I choked on the smoke as I left the house. I went to the neighbors house directly across the street and banged on their door for someone to help me. I turned and saw my house. I saw the flames increase with every gust of wind, or maybe there wasn't any wind, and it was just my imagination, but the flames were growing wilder and wilder and my life was escaping me. My girls weren't coming out to me and there was no one who could save them. The fire department was there in minutes. I had now moved my location to the side of the house in front of the school on the lawn. The Firemen approached me asking me was there anyone in the house. I told them my girls were and my husband was and he was trying to save them. They asked me where everyone was. I explained that my husband was probably on the stairs, and the girls were in their bed the last I saw them and they were both in one bed in the top bunk. When they got to the top of the stairs their room was directly to the right, when they entered the room they should go diagonally to the right the bed is in the far right corner. The bottom bunk is a separate bed that pulls away and the top bunk was stable. They met my husband inside and escorted him to where I was, then two men went inside and retrieved my babies bodies. By this time, the ambulance was there and they were attending to our wounds. I had minor burns on my knees and hands from crawling on the hot carpet, and some smoke inhalation. My husband had second and third degree burns to his legs, hands, face and ears from attempting to enter the girls room. While in the ambulance the doors open and two faces appear. A young guy and an older gentleman. One being the County Coroner and the other the Deputy Coroner or Coroner in training, I don't remember. All I remember is that the oldest one spoke and asked us about the girls. He also let us know that they didn't make it out alive. Jason became hysterical and started trying to jump out of the ambulance, and I pulled him back and told him to settle down, and I asked them if I could please see my children.

I walked out to the tree behind the house where they laid the girls bodies. They were hard as stone, black as soot, and the smell of smoke I will never be rid of for the rest of my life. I held them, caressed them, and cried over them. Then the coroner told me he had to remove them and asked me what I wanted him to do. I told him that I wanted them cremated. I couldn't have them like this. They took the girls bodies to the funeral home. "Buchanan's." Jason Meyer took wonderful care of my girls bodies. He didn't cremate them immediately. He waited for the family to show up. He figured I am sure that once they arrived they might try to change my mind on the cremation. We had called our family when we were placed back into the ambulance and driven to the hospital in Charleston, IL. My family flew in immediately from California, Japan, drove in from Texas. Jason's family flew in from North Carolina and Kansas. We had all the support we could need. We stayed with another recruiter until our family showed up and then we stayed in a hotel nearby. Sgt. Black and his family were great to help us in our time of need. Michelle his wife, and Sgt. Black's father. They housed us, fed us, shopped for us, and they supplied a bus for us to transport our family to the memorial. I don't think I ever really got to thank them properly!

The next few days were quiet a blur. My ex husband and his father and one of his brother's came to be with us. I did get to speak with him for a short while. He apologized for not being a good father to the girls, and I told him that I wasn't the one he needed to apologize to, and it was too late to apologize to the girls. He allowed his new life to get between himself and his blood, who cares if it got between he and I, we were not who mattered, it was his children who mattered and they were the ones who were deeply affected by his actions. They called Jason their "daddy" and him their "daddy roy", which one seemed more important? I don't speak to Roy and haven't since his wife made sure to tell me that she had their baby boy "roy jr" shortly after the girls deaths. Like that's really what I wanted to hear after just losing my girls. Who cares. I told her that "I felt that in order for her to FINALLY have one of his children I had to lose both of mine."

I haven't spoken to either since. Roy got his part of the insurance settlement $7000 and my lawyer did all the talking to him. To this day, I try to send cards to his mother letting her know that I still think about her and the family and that the girls are still a very living part of my life and I know they are of her life too. She doesn't respond anymore, but I know that she's okay.

I work with Fire Departments when I can, Whoever will work with me, I volunteer as a Fire and life Safety Speaker and talk to their communities about the tragedies like mine that can be avoided by taking some precautions in the home. I'll share those with you in upcoming posts. I'm feeling a bit drained now, sharing with you my day 1. If you have a comment or a story you'd like to share, please do. My ultimate sacrifice was losing my children and now I am turning that loss into a life for my children and our story can help save more lives, and help other grieving parents heal from the loss of their children.