Poetry

It's been a while again. I've neglected my blog! Shame on me, what have I been doing that's so much more important.... let's see....

1) I start a new job on 12 July
2) I have a ton of things to do here at the house that I am dreading but the kids are in daycare so I have no reason not to get them done~
3) I have a new friend that has lost a baby and she's in need of help, so I went to see her and her husband the other day. They are a great couple, they have another baby at home which will be a constant reminder to them of the sister /child they lost~ I can only be there to support her
4) I have soo many cards I want to make to get through the year so I'm not late sending them!!
5) I have to come up with my "written plan" on the program I would like the Army to initiate.
6) I still do all of my volunteering with the Army and our FRG (Family Readiness Group)

There's just so much I want to do and so much I start that I need to finish, and then there's the crap I don't even want to think about. So, I decided that today I would post my poetry. The ones I wrote for my girls. The pain that was in my heart that I had to put on paper to ease my frustrations. This is where I will post them, some of you may have already seen them, but here they are again, on my blog, to remind me of the pain I buried deep. It's still there, just not where anyone can see it, but everyonce in a while it let's me know it's still there.


A Mother's Pain
Julie D Powers

My tears drip like rain falling from heaven.
My heart breaks like glass.
My soul drowns in the waves of the ocean.

My life is over like the past.

My children, gone from me forever.
My body feels the pain.

As I stare out of the window, the man speaks upon deaf ears.
As I hide inside the dark of my dreams, I fear...
No one will follow.

They find me and pick me up from the depths of my depression.
Death, not a stranger just the same.
My children, who once were so happy, and now, I speak to them in GOD's name.

My prayers, will go unanswered...
That's what they call a Mother's Pain.

_________________________________
I love my boys
My girls they do remind me

When they're bad;
or when they're sad
My girls they do remind me

My temper I must control
My voice I must stow
My girls they do remind me

I will raise my boys
I will praise my boys
you see...

My girls they are in heaven
My oldest before she was seven
My youngest about to be five
Now no longer alive

So you see...

I love my boys~

My girls they do remind me!

_________________________________

MOTHER's WISH

My dreams bring you near
Then daylight brings a tear
My babies can you hear me
The two of you I wish I could see
The day GOD called you home
That day my life went cold
What I would do to have you here to hold
My girls, My life, My wish
You could be here with me at home.

__________________________________

GOD's HANDS CARRY ME

GOD's hands carry me through life's MAIZE of misery

You lay your heads on heaven's pillow
You play all day in fields of daisy's
You laugh and sing under the willow
While I feel I am going crazy

I have no voices to listen to
I have your pictures to imagine
I feel your presence surround me
I know we'll meet again,
I know we'll meet again.

GOD's hands carry me
My memory get's me through
My mind won't play tricks on me
Your words they will ring true

Someday we'll meet again,
Someday, will get me through.

__________________________________

NOT A DAY TOO SOON

We see you from where we sit
High above the big blue sky
We send you a dove
To wipe away the tear in your eye
Mother...
Please don't cry for us
For we are safe and warm
We play in the fields of green and dance in the flower gardens
Play and Dance with us.
Sing to us like you used to do
We save you a space,
A place,
In GOD's Kingdom
Mother...
Don't cry for us
For we cry for you and Daddy too
One Day you'll be with us
We'll meet again one day,
someday,
But not a day too soon.

____________________________________

Most of those poems were written before 2008. I posted them to a poetry website, which I couldn't find online any longer, so it's a good thing I thought to keep these! I don't create my poetry much any more, every once in a while I may feel the need to jot a few words down, but lately I find it necessary to express my passions in this blog, rather than in rhyme. We each grieve in our own way, some of us bottle it up and never let it go and allow it to consume us. Then there are other's who take from their experience and become passionate about it and want to SAVE THE WORLD and keep their painful experience from happening to anyone else, and then there's those like me, we write about it. We hope that it get's read and recognized as a message and that the person reading it does something proactive with the information that they are given, but we don't want to PUSH our message on anyone. I'm not a bible thumper, I'm not very religious at all, but you would think from my poetry that I do have some kind of faith in GOD. I do, I believe in my spirituality. I have faith that there is a "kingdom" where my children are waiting for me. They are watching over me and making sure that I am taken care of while on this HELL HOLE called EARTH. While I struggle through the economy, through watching the war drag on and no end in sight, and the politicians promising one thing after another! While I worry that my boys will choose a life like their father, grandfathers, great grandfathers and on... to serve proudly for their country, which I will not condemn but instead will support them for the choices they make. That's my job as their mother. I can't always protect them, and I think I've proven that with my girls. They were with me, 6 and 4, and they were at home and died while we all slept, so how could I have protected them? With the knowledge I had back then? They have given me education, they have given me a second life with a new family and they have given me the tools to teach my friends and family how to protect their loved ones.

Is there a GOD? Not for me to tell you, not for you to tell me. When I die and when my soul leaves my body, if there is an afterlife, if there is a GOD, I will know then. I will not have any way to come back and tell you, because I will not want to come back!!! So, believe what you believe, but do not FORCE FEED what you believe to someone else who has their own belief. They may be of a different religion, or maybe something tragic happened to them and now they have a difference of opinion! Religion is what we make of it, how we chose to translate it, it's a CHOICE, so be respectful of other people's space and their right to CHOOSE. Remember that judgement day doesn't fall upon our shoulders, but instead upon the Almighty who CHOOSES to judge us for the life we lead, and if he asks us then if we shall CHOOSE to believe in him, "we shall have ever lasting life". Isn't that what it translates in the written word? Some man said that GOD said.

I know that Religion is a touchy subject and there are a ton of believers out there, I have my faith, but do not condemn me because I do not feel the same as you, or find it necessary to judge my neighbor for the way they feel about religion. Go about your day, remember your beliefs, and be one with your faith. Treat your friends as your friends, your neighbors as though they should be your friends and your family as though they are your partners for life.

Sariena and Annie I love you more today than yesterday!
I miss you deeply!